How to Know What You Want to Do

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The world offers then many opportunities and choices to brand that it's not easy to know what you want. Sometimes, you may confuse what yous want with what others desire of you. To figure out what you actually desire, you will need to exercise some soul searching and determination making.

1. i

   Dissever the "shoulds" from the "wants. " Most people accept an idea of things they remember others expect of them versus the things they actually desire. You may feel y'all should be more organized, you should go back to higher, or y'all should settle down and go married. But all those shoulds won't get you anywhere if you accept no drive to do them. If y'all do manage to practise them, the energy may wane and and so you're back to the starting indicate 5 or 10 years down the line. Go rid of your shoulds at present so you tin focus instead on what you want.^[ane]

   • Most people have trouble seeing which urges are shoulds and which are wants. Take a moment to figure out which is which. What exercise you actually want? What practice you feel like the rest of the world wants you to do? Are you feeling pressure from your parents, your community, lodge, or peers to do something they feel y'all should do, merely y'all don't experience passionate virtually?

2. 2

   Make a list of what you lot'd exercise if you lived without fearfulness. All people take intangible, abstruse fears. Many people are afraid people aren't going to like or respect them, that they're going to exist broke, that they won't find a job, take friends, or that they'll end up lonely. To get at what you desire, erase all of those for merely a second. Fear tin control yous and go along you from what you want.^[2]

   • Make a list of all the things you want despite your fears. What would you do if yous weren't afraid of what people idea, afraid of money, or agape of getting hurt?

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3. iii

   Figure out what dissatisfies you. You lot probably already know what dissatisfies you. Almost everyone is meliorate at lament than they are fixing it. By identifying the places in your life where you feel dissatisfied, you can begin to strategize how to alter or eliminate those things. Brand a list of what makes you unhappy. Why are you dissatisfied? What is it that you're craving? What would make things better? Write downward the answers to these questions.

   • For example, think about your job. If you hate your task, information technology may be possible that you don't hate the job, but simply hate aspects of information technology. Those aspects need isolating. What things would you change if you could? How might that change your outlook?
   • Simply identifying dissatisfying elements of your life won't make them better. Once you've made this listing, y'all need to offset thinking about if these are things over which you have some control, and what you tin practise to change them or remove them from your life. If yous hate your chore, perhaps you need to start figuring out how to observe a new position. Or, if it's only certain aspects of your chore y'all don't like, brainstorm ways to improve those things and talk to your boss about implementing some new ideas.

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1. 1

   Brand a list of what is important to you. When you lot don't know what you want, it can be helpful to get a clear idea of what your values are. Offset past making a list of what is important to you lot. You lot can include abstruse ideas, similar love, or physical things, like nutrient.^[iii]

   • To help you lot identify your values, ask yourself these questions:
     • Which moments in your life thus far have been the most satisfying or fulfilling? What was it almost that moment that fabricated you feel satisfied?
     • If your business firm were on burn and yous could only grab 3 objects (all pets and family members are already rubber), what would they be? Why? What do these things represent to you?
     • Think of two people you respect and admire. What characteristics practice y'all admire the most most them? Why?
     • What problems become you the most excited when you talk about them? Could you talk for hours well-nigh foreign policy, or mode, or beast rights?
   • Expect at your answers to these questions and ask yourself if any themes, principles, or behavior sally from your answers.
   • Once you have identified your values, you should notice that making decisions that are in line with these beliefs will help you feel satisfied and happy.^[4]
   • Values can seem too vague or philosophical to exist helpful, just they can give you clues into which decisions and outcomes would exist near satisfying.

2. ii

   Choose values that cause an emotional response. Values can be described as the combination of goals, behavior, and positive or negative emotional attitudes. Values play an of import part in emotional wellness because they tin can produce strong emotional reactions based on if our behaviors align with our values or not. When making your list, don't just put what you lot think yous should put. Think almost things that cause you lot to feel emotions.^[v]

   • For instance, if you value family unit time most but make the decision to continuously work 80 hr weeks, you may feel guilt or shame because yous take violated a value that is important to you.
   • If you value family time, make it a point to always be home by 5 p.chiliad., and never piece of work during family time, you might feel proud and fulfilled considering your behaviors reverberate your values.

3. 3

   Question yourself. Knowing what you value can help you make decisions about what yous want and don't want. If you lot've never thought about what you value, you may take a difficult time figuring it out. Ask yourself these questions to aid you beginning thinking about what you value:^[6]

   • At the end of your life, what will yous want people to remember about you? That you lot contributed to science? That y'all loved your family? That you were honest?
   • If you had to choose between work and family, which would be most important?
   • What topics are you passionate most? Environmentalism? Women'southward rights? Finance? Employ your passions to help you narrow downwards what is almost important to you.
   • If yous could only relieve a few items from a house fire, what would they be? What about those items gives you lot clues almost some of your core values?

4. 4

   Utilise your values to make changes. Write down the answers to the questions so yous tin can see them. These answers give yous an outline of what yous desire in life. Y'all can even add to this information as you continue to think nigh what is important to you. One time you take an idea of what y'all value almost in life, you can begin to construct a clearer picture of what yous want. And so, you tin can start making choices that align with your values.^[7]

   • For example, if you highly value green energy and recycling, but the visitor y'all work for deals mainly in oil, y'all may feel dissatisfied with your task or even frustrated and angry because much of your work is supporting something that y'all don't agree with. You now can recognize this and work to detect a chore that also values green energy and so they can align with your values.

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1. ane

   Focus on the present. Non knowing what yous want or not existence able to decide oftentimes leads to feelings of worry or uncomfortableness. A lot of this worry comes from existence afraid of making a wrong decision.^[8] As you begin to brand decisions virtually your life, go along your focus on the nowadays or the near-present. Trying to go as well far into the time to come can lead to stress.

   • Enquiry shows that our power to predict what we'll want in the futurity is skewed, and so you can only brand decisions that are right for you in the present with the information you have at present. Don't focus so much on getting information technology right for your future-self.^[nine]

2. 2

   Start by making small decisions. Making decisions can be difficult and scary. You may need to make up one's mind what you desire from life, or y'all may need to decide how to get what you want afterwards you know. If you don't know what you want, making decisions can be difficult. Learning how to brand decisions can help you become better at deciding what is correct for yous. Start with small decisions first, then that you become more comfy and confident in your ability to brand decisions for yourself.^[x]

   • Not making any decisions at all is likewise a deciding choice. Sometimes, non making a decision at all often causes more regret than making any determination.^[eleven]

3. 3

   State the determination that needs to be made. Existence able to make informed decisions is helpful because poor decisions or no conclusion at all can sometimes bring about feelings of pain or regret.^[12] You tin can commencement building these skills by stating specifically the decision that you desire to make.

   • Yous tin can write downwards the decision or state it mentally. You need to make information technology known to yourself what decision has to exist made so y'all can first working towards what you want.
   • For example, if you are trying to decide which college major to cull, yous would write down, "Make up one's mind between engineering and nursing." If you lot are trying to decide how to deal with a friend, write, "Make up one's mind how to deal with my friend who makes me experience bad sometimes."

4. iv

   Get together more than data. In this stage, you should gather equally much information as you tin can almost your options. Making an informed determination is extremely of import because this helps you feel like you have made the correct decision. Make sure to include information that is important to your values. You tin make a pro/con chart, list details near each option, and make notes virtually how each option will bear upon your life, time to come, and other'southward lives.^[13]

   • For example, you may look up salaries, task opportunities, and amount of fourth dimension in schoolhouse when choosing a career. You may consider that nurses bargain with and help people daily while engineers bargain with numbers and edifice plans.
   • List out all of the information which is important to you.

5. 5

   Look for alternatives. In this phase of the controlling process, you should ask yourself if in that location are options yous oasis't thought of or considered yet. This may have a few days to complete. You lot can do research, talk to people, or recollect the topic over for a few days. Ask yourself if these are the only choices you can make in the determination. Have you been fair to yourself? Is in that location another decision you can brand that you oasis't written down? Make sure you have all your options listed before making the determination.^[14]

   • For example, possibly you've limited yourself too much in simply deciding between engineering and nursing. Possibly, you lot could also consider a general business organization major, an art degree, a career as a contractor, or even medical school.

6. 6

   Evaluate your options. At this stage, look at all the data and possibilities you've gathered. Now imagine each possibility carried out through the stop and what that would entail. Imagine the upshot of each decision and evaluate your emotional response. Practice yous feel satisfied with this moving-picture show? Does the issue support your values? The answers to these questions tin can assist you lot brand your determination.^[15]

   • For example, you can imagine yourself in engineering classes working with computers and numbers, then to your starting time job at an engineering firm. Imagine yourself doing this blazon of work every day and evaluate your emotional response. Are you satisfied with this motion-picture show? Does your work support your values? And then do the same procedure with nursing.

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1. one

   Implement the option. Review all of your information, and make the best possible option that is right for you, has fulfilled your values, and seems to align with your professional goals. And then implement the choice. This is the action part of knowing what you desire. This is where yous start going afterwards what you want.^[sixteen]

   • For instance, y'all tin go to your bookish advisor or the dean and formally alter your major. Then you can sign upwards for the advisable classes.

2. 2

   Be willing to make mistakes. Sometimes knowing what you want will non be articulate until y'all've tried something out. Once you've tried something, you lot can find out if it isn't for you or if it's a perfect match. So if you don't know if it'south what you want, get and try it. Making mistakes is part of learning what we want and discovering what we want.

   • Studies evidence that not knowing an outcome causes more anxiety or discomfort more than knowing that the outcome will exist unfavorable.^[17]
   • For instance, if you're still undecided about nursing or engineering science, accept active steps to determine which you lot will like. Look for internships at an engineering science office to become a feel for what the work environment might exist like. Inquire an engineer to bear witness you lot what he or she does all day. Ask questions to understand more most what the task entails and what to expect. You can shadow a nurse and follow him or her around during the shift to see what a nurse actually does.
   • Another possibility would be to take a class specific to technology and at the same time volunteer at a hospital. Maybe at the end of the semester you'll find that y'all actually can't stand working with computers all 24-hour interval and that you accept a knack for calming patients at your volunteering job. Even if you don't get into engineering, the class wasn't a waste material of time — it helped you make a more informed decision, and you probably still learned a lot from the grade.

3. three

   Reevaluate your determination from time to time. Only because you want something at one point in your life doesn't hateful you may want something dissimilar later. Periodically, go back to your choices and decide if they are withal what you desire.^[18]

   • Reflect on the decision to see if it still fits with your goals and values. If it does, you can stay on your current course, but if not, information technology may be time to reevaluate and go through the decision making process again — and that's okay.

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Article Summary X

To know what you want, you should first figure out what you don't want by separating the things you call back you "should" do, from the things you lot actually desire to do. In order to pivot downwards your real desires, endeavour writing out a listing of everything you would practice if y'all lived without fright. From hither, yous should be able to figure out what dissatisfies you and what is important to you. If yous need more aid, enquire yourself what moments in your life then far have been the almost satisfying or fulfilling, and determine what you admire the most about the people that you respect. Once yous've pinned what's important to you, begin making changes in your life to better align your actions with your values. For more than advice from our co-author, like how to successfully get afterward what you want, coil downwardly!

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